honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
