She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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