now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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