You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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