she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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