You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
