I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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