I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
