i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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