Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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