i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
