Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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