He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
