By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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