I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize