How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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