using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
