So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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