Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
