you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
