I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
