just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
