I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
