careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
