Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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