Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
