So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
