Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
