I just threw up on my dentist
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
