If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
