That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
