she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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