He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
