I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
