I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
