i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
