My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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