At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
we should paint friendship bongs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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