I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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