So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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