he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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