my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
