We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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