All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
