Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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