That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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