After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
