Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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