He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
