im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
