Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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