i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
