operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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