I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You took a bar mat shot.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
