I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
its not stalking. its research.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
