This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
