break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
