her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
