yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you traded sex for a burrito?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
