I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
