the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Actions speak louder than pants.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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