he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
