It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
