When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pants are for mortals
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
