i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
