Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My feet surprised me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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