I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
