Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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