Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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