i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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