I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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