70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
