Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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