Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
