he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
