We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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