Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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