alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
