Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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