I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
